This past summer our family went deep sea fishing off the coast of Florida. Along with the others on our boat, we had a fantastic, relaxing, fun and exhilarating time.  Plus, we caught hundreds of fish that day.  We joked around, had fun and were focused on the job at hand: fishing.

(Picture: Kevin and daughter Katie after a day of deep sea fishing off the coast of Destin, Florida.)

I love to have fun.  But I also love to work.  My life goal has been to have fun while I work.  My goal is to live one life no matter where I am.

Who are you when you go to work? Are you the same person your spouse married?  Are you that same thoughtful, caring parent your children see most every day? Are you the one who takes your family on fun vacations and relaxes and has a good time? I think the world would be a better place if we lived one life and remained that one person family members love at home.

My hope is that I will be the same guy at work, home, church, fishing or wherever I go.

In our society, however, there seems to be pressure to morph into Type A, no nonsense business freaks at 8:00 am each workday.   We are not supposed to care how the work gets done as long as it gets done.  Would you want your spouse to work for you?  Would you want your son or daughter to work for you?  Better yet, would you want one of your dearly loved family members to work for the worst leader in your company?

If your answer was no to any of these questions, you need to make some changes.

First, everyone deserves respect. We need to make sure we treat all people, whether employees or family members, with respect and dignity 24 hours/day.

Second, we need to lead one, consistent life, whether we are at work or at home. The struggle between work and life happens when we see the two competing for each other.  Leaders who demand employees choose work over family will eventually lose.  They may win the short-term battle for the employee’s time but will ultimately lose the talent war and the employee may lose their family.

Third, accept who you are. The pressure to morph into something you are not from 8 to 5 is more than anyone can bear over the long run.  If the office does not like who you are, find another company, career, workplace, or start your own company.  Be yourself and live one life.

Fourth, live your values. Some people are comfortable when the lines are blurred between right and wrong; when values can be stretched to match the situation.  That is an uncomfortable zone for me.  I suspect it is an uncomfortable zone for you as well.  Fuzzy values and inconsistent living is no man’s land. If you won’t put up with fuzzy values at home, do not allow it at work either.  Live one life.

Fifth, listen to that voice inside your head. I believe there is such a thing as right and wrong.  There is a small little voice inside my head that tells me when something doesn’t feel right. No, I’m not crazy or hearing voices or taking some new medication.

How does this topic relate to Great Workplaces or company culture? Employees are looking for authenticity. Leaders who are authentic live the same life at work and at home.  They do not put on one face for the office and another face for home.  They have found the freedom of being one person.

Be yourself and your work environment will have a greater chance to succeed.  Be that leader who loves his/her family at night and weekends.  But don’t lock that person up when you go to work.  People at work are looking for compassion too.  To win over the head, hands and hearts of your employees you need to be yourself - live one life.

Meet Mr. Good and Mr. Evil. This was the strangest leadership style I had ever encountered. It was typical to leave the CEO’s office feeling great about the company, pumped up, energized and feeling good about work and life. Meetings with the CEO’s powerful second in command, on the other hand, left you feeling drained, deflated, confused and worried if you would even have a job the next week.

Psychopathic Polarized Leadership Sinks the Ship

The CEO was cordial, respectful and seemed to have a positive outlook on life.  His second in command was an abrasive bully who was arrogant, foul mouthed and narcissistic. This psychopathic polarized leadership style would later prove devastating to this company.  Communication within the organization was dysfunctional at best.  Executives did not know where the company was going and were hesitant to pursue cold, hard facts in a fear-based buffer that surrounded the CEO thanks to leader number two.

Good Cop-Bad Cop?

The senior management’s leadership style was confusing and left many company leaders and professionals bewildered at times. The top two management duo’s modus operandi was similar to good cop-bad cop.  Except this was good leader-evil leader.  The players were not cops but irresponsible business leaders. The victims were not crime suspects but well-respected business leaders and professionals.

Public Speeches about Great Workplaces

As the head of human resources, I would occasionally be asked to speak to groups. I was very proud of our company and the progress we had made in creating a great place to work. This was an absolute miracle considering the psychopathic leadership model at the top. Not only had we grown from obscurity to number five on the Forbes list of largest privately held companies, we also were well known throughout the city and the region as an employer of choice.

When job openings were advertised on our website, within minutes hundreds of people would be applying.  In fact, we were aware of job applicants working at other respected companies waiting for positions to come open so they could apply for a chance to work in a great workplace. This was a talent recruiting position many leaders only dream about.  We had become a magnet for the best and brightest people.

Unhealthy at the Top

When speaking to groups, it was only natural to tell audiences my philosophy of creating an employee-friendly corporate culture where people should be treated with trust and respect. The importance of a company’s internal personality cannot be overstated.  However, I knew our company’s personality at the top was sick and twisted.  Overall, ninety-nine percent of the company was comprised of very good, respectful people who cared about the organization and its people.  The company was unhealthy at the top.

Two Ten Thousand Pound Gorillas

It has been said, “You are only as strong as your weakest link.” Unfortunately for us, our weakest link was two ruthless, clever, greedy scheming executives at the top. In other words, underneath our great workplace story was two ten thousand pound gorillas.  Mr.  Good and Mr. Evil.  I dared not talk publicly about their confusing and exasperating leadership styles.

As time went on this became an enormous problem. It created fear, dread, aggravation and knots inside many peoples’ stomachs.  At first I simply thought we had an out of control, certified asshole executive along with a beloved CEO who avoided conflict and would not rise to the occasion and stop the internal psychological terrorism on employees and fellow leaders.  Later I realized they were working together to create a polarized management system.

Moral of this Story

Learn from this sad but true story. This is an extreme example. However, it is important because you need to know who is running or ruining your company. Is Mr. Good really working for the best interests of the company?  Is Mr. Evil really worth keeping around?  People practice professionals need to speak freely about what ills the company. Many executives do not want to hear about problems.  That is why it has been said most human resource executives need a “go to hell fund.”

Live your life with utmost integrity and be willing to tell the truth, even if the truth will likely cost you your job.  In the long run an integrity-based journey will make sense and bring worthwhile rewards.

On Thursday, October 23, 2008, the Oklahoma Business Ethics Consortium’s Tulsa Chapter held its monthly luncheon with national guest speaker Dr. Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying Institute. Why would an ethics group invite a workplace bullying expert to speak, you might ask?  The answer is simple: How can the same organizations who promote a code of conduct, health and wellness, community involvement, employee volunteerism and corporate giving, also allow workplace bullies - psychological office tyrants - to run rampant inside their organizations while targets of their brutal violent episodes suffer physical and mental repercussions?

Allowing workplace bullying to occur is not right. It is not moral. It is not ethical.

According to Dr. Namie, “Workplace bullying is a health hazard. Cardiovascular diseases are the most common stress-related physical problems for bullied targets.”  He further stated, “Psychological injuries caused by bullying range from debilitating anxiety and panic attacks through clinical depression to post-traumatic stress disorder caused by the bullying.  And it’s all unconscionably legal, though morally reprehensible,” states the passionate Dr. Namie.

Clinical depression is experienced by 39% of targets and post traumatic stress disorder is experienced by 30% of women targets.

Is it ethical for an organization to do nothing?

Doing nothing is not a neutral act, according to the founder of the Workplace Bullying Institute.  In fact, Dr. Namie calls it “cruelty by indifference.”  I agree wholeheartedly.

If your organization allows workplace bullies to conjure up their cancerous potions of fear and psychological violence and tyranny, it is time to take action.  It is wrong to sit silently and do nothing.  Taking no action is not an option for good corporate citizens. It should not take enacting anti-bullying legislation to do the right thing, although that is probably where this country is headed.  Let’s do the right thing today.